Imperfect but Abiding

It’s been a long time since I attempted to write a blog. I think it was 2019 when I wrote exactly two posts on a WordPress site, then promptly forgot it existed. Really, I can’t think of much I would’ve had to say anyway. I thought I’d had it pretty rough, had experienced plenty of hardship. In some ways, I had; I’d lived through some difficult times. They seem trivial now, but that doesn’t negate the pain I felt then. Our worst experiences are entirely subjective. What seems like the worst day of my life might seem like a walk in the park for you. It’s a matter of perspective.

That being said, I can’t help but laugh at my nineteen-year-old self. I had no idea what was coming. I was just sort of floating along, feeling hopeless and inconsequential. I bought a Bible that summer, but I didn’t spend a lot of time reading it. In fact, if you had asked me, I would have claimed to be an agnostic. I thought I’d known enough “religious people” who treated me like I was nothing more than the dust on the bottoms of their shoes. I’d pretty much decided I didn’t need to know any of those people because they wouldn’t take me as I was.

Between the summer of 2019 and March of 2021, I lived quite a bit of life. I lived through the pandemic, moved to a new town, completed my student teaching, held down a few jobs, got my first teaching job, moved to another new town, then resigned that first teaching job. Maybe someday I’ll go into everything that happened during that time, but not today.

On March 18th of 2021, I left my apartment to go to a job interview. It was about a two-hour drive to the school I was interviewing at, so I did what any invincible-feeling 21 year old woman would do: I scrolled through my phone while driving. There was no need for me to pay attention – I’d grown up texting and driving. I was better at it than anybody else.

I went to the interview, then left to go visit some friends. It was on that drive that I learned I wasn’t as skilled as I thought I was. One minute, I was driving and scrolling through Facebook; the next, I was trapped between my steering wheel and the seat of my car. Whoops.

This was the moment I first understood faith: when you have nothing else left, all you can do is pray, and that’s exactly what I did.

I’ll spare you the extended description of everything that went on from extraction to life flight to emergency room, but I want to touch on one important piece of information: one of the EMTs that came to the scene got into the backseat of my car, held my hand, and prayed with me when the crew responded. I never forgot that. In fact, several weeks after the wreck, I saw her at a track meet and knew immediately who she was and got to hug her and thank her for her actions that day. Prayer and kindness make a huge difference.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6–7 (NASB).

From then on, I relearned to walk, underwent eight orthopedic surgeries over three years to repair the damages from the accident, started the teaching job I had interviewed for the day of the accident, spent many hours in physical therapy with some of my favorite people on the planet, truly found faith in Christ, joined a church and became active in it, was diagnosed with an autonomic condition, and most recently, resigned from that teaching job.

That brings us here: a blog to detail some of my thoughts, feelings, stories, and (most importantly) favorite pieces of Scripture. I don’t know if anybody will read it, but honestly, it isn’t my place to worry about that. I’m doing it to share the love of Christ with others and to maybe reach those people who need to feel less lonely. Matthew 28:20 tells us we are never truly alone, but I also know from experience that doesn’t always feel true, and if God leads even one person to these stories because they need to hear them, then they are worth writing.

“Go, therefore, and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to follow all that I commanded you; and behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20 (NASB).