Imperfect but Abiding

I read Proverbs 12 as part of my daily Bible reading today. This verse really stuck out to me:

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4 (NASB)

Before I explain why, I feel it’s important that I say this: I’m not married, and I have never been married. I’m also not dating anybody at this time. Any “insight” I put here is purely theoretical and based on my own observations and the advice and experiences of people way smarter than I am. In fact, a lot of this is going to be a compilation of phrases from those people.

I think it’s awful that women treat their husbands like incapable idiots and that it’s considered normal.

Biblically speaking, women are reminded to respect or be subject to their husbands. I believe fully that, knowing God’s character, this doesn’t mean that He wants women to stay in abusive relationships with men (or anyone, for that matter). We are expected to defer to husbands who are leading us in a Godly manner. This deference doesn’t mean following blindly, either; it simply means recognizing a husband’s authority in the relationship.

Speaking for myself here, but I doubt that I would marry somebody I thought was an idiot. I have no problem deferring to decisions made by someone I trust. Believe me, I’ve prayed for a husband with vast amounts of financial responsibility to handle all those things so I don’t have to. Similarly, I don’t see myself marrying someone who thinks I’m an idiot, either. I think part of loving someone is recognizing their skills and levels of intelligence in different areas and being willing to listen to their opinions and guidance.

From where I’m sitting, anyway, marriage seems to work best as a partnership between two best friends. A wife’s best friend (notice that I didn’t say girlfriend – more on that some other time) should be her husband, and his best friend should be his wife.

Paul tells us in Ephesians that wives should respect their husbands and husbands should love their wives. In my eyes, this doesn’t sound too far from best friendship. Partnerships don’t work because two people are exactly the same, do the same things, and think the same way; partnerships work because each person brings complementary areas of expertise, responsibilities, and strengths. Nobody wants to enter into a partnership with somebody they don’t trust or like.

Treating husbands like they can’t do anything right has so many issues, but I think this is one of the biggest ones. Undermining the model set out by God by tearing spouses down makes marriage so much less a partnership and so much more a battleground, and that’s not what it was designed to be. A husband talking about his wife as if she was stupid would be frowned upon in most circles. All I’m saying is that wives purposely portraying their husbands as idiots should be seen in the same way.